So tonight I talked to this guy. He's a christian. Obviously he wants me to turn to God. He's actually really nice though. Love the guy. He did however say I was arrogant and pretty selfish and prideful. Well, I mean. I guess I can kind of see where he's coming from, but no. So instead of trying to turn to God and become this lovely little guy with no problems. I'm going to fucking push on through. I'm not going to turn to God and so what if all my fucking problems get worse.
One thing I'm learning is that every time I get close to the edge. Where I'm one step away from taking that leap into a bottle of tylenol PM. I'll bounce right back up. But better. I can feel this demon. This other Chad. This evil version of myself. Who's selfish, full of himself, prideful, bitchy, arrogant, apathetic to the people around him. I like this Chad. I like him a lot. So the more the world pushes me into my dark desperate hole of despair, so long as I don't allow myself to get trapped down in that moment before suicide. I'm going to keep coming out strong.
So if you think i'm selfish. If you think I'm arrogant. If you think i'm anything that I don't believe I currently am. I'm about to show you a whole new world. Fuck everyone. I am here for me myself and I now. I will do whatever it takes to make it to wherever I want to go. If you get in my way, I feel sorry for you. I will tear you down and break you, and hopefully you'll live to see another day. No more killing people with niceness. So fuck you God. Fuck you and everything you stand for, because as of right now my official goal is to be everything your Book stands AGAINST.
:)
One thing I'm learning is that every time I get close to the edge. Where I'm one step away from taking that leap into a bottle of tylenol PM. I'll bounce right back up. But better. I can feel this demon. This other Chad. This evil version of myself. Who's selfish, full of himself, prideful, bitchy, arrogant, apathetic to the people around him. I like this Chad. I like him a lot. So the more the world pushes me into my dark desperate hole of despair, so long as I don't allow myself to get trapped down in that moment before suicide. I'm going to keep coming out strong.
So if you think i'm selfish. If you think I'm arrogant. If you think i'm anything that I don't believe I currently am. I'm about to show you a whole new world. Fuck everyone. I am here for me myself and I now. I will do whatever it takes to make it to wherever I want to go. If you get in my way, I feel sorry for you. I will tear you down and break you, and hopefully you'll live to see another day. No more killing people with niceness. So fuck you God. Fuck you and everything you stand for, because as of right now my official goal is to be everything your Book stands AGAINST.
:)
